CU Amiga Super CD-ROM 19/CU Amiga Magazine's Super CD-ROM 19 (1998)(EMAP Images)(GB)[!][issue 1998-02].iso/CUCD/Readers/ExtremeAmos/Text/10_Things.ASC

Text File | 1995-12-30 | 12KB | 295 lines

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     10-Lists of different things + stuff
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      10 things which REALLLY piss me off in life.

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     1. Being skint.
     2. Sitting on a bus next to an old person who does not shut up
        waffling on about the bingo, or about a relative.
     3. Discovering an old schoolchum on a bus, and you get into a
        conversation about computers, and chudders on about the same thing
        over and over again for the duration of the trip.
     4. PC users !!
     5. Out of the entire 2,000 floppy disks you have scattered around
        the bedroom floor, the one your girlfriend puts a high-heel
        straight through happens to be the current project you are working
        on, and has taken you weeks to complete.




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     6. You are stood in a computer shop asking about Amiga accsessories
        and some slick-haired git starts chuddering on about the latest
        bench test for the PC, and Mhz speeds which try and make PC's look
        better than Amiga's. You just wish you had a wichester and shoot
        the twat.
     7. People who join in computer conversations half way through, and
        think they know everything about a particular program, when
        actually, they have never even seen it in their lives.
     8. People who wear anoraks and sit in train stations.
     9. Homeless people who stuff copys of 'Big Issue' down yer fackin
        throat and demand a quid.
    10. You wake up in the morning, absolutely dying for that very first
        cup of tea, and there's no sodding milk or sugar.

ý
      10 absolutely pointless things we do on the computer at least once a
      week. Come on, be honest now !!!

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     1. Discover a new command in the C: drawer, such as a new DELETE
        command, and accidentally delete half of your HD because you
        misplaced a wildcard.
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     2. Spend an entire day so-called tidying up your hard disk drive, and
        after several hours of flicking through drawers, you have actually
        done jack shit !!
     3. Formatted over a disk that you know you want, and only realize it
        just as you click on the final OK gadget !!
     4. Spend ages trying to work out why the disk you just inserted won't
        appear on workbench, only to find that instead of saving the icon
        as a DISK icon, you saved it as a DRAWER.
     5. Spend ages looking for a program on the HD, and discover you need
        the external drive to run it. You insert the disk, nothing
        happens, and your eyeball cunningly spots you have not wired it
        into the back of the Amiga. Time to re-boot the system.
     6. Posted jiffy bags and forgetting to put the stamps on !!
     7. Send someone a program you have been working on, and they
        desperately need it, and you use a LOAD command in the program to
        the banks that you ain't sent.
     8. When using the Dir Opus format list, you accidentaly click of DF0:
        instead of DF1: causing you to lose a precious disk.


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     9. Delete a library that you think is un-needed, and discover that a
        cruncher you used for every file in your partition wants it, and
        because it is not there, causes nasty Suspend/Reboot errors !!
    10. Forget the password to un-lock your hard drive !!


ý
      10 Shitty thing that most AMOS coders tend to do, but won't actually
      admit it in public as they are too embarassed, or simply just don't
      want people to know of it, as it was so stupid.


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     1. Forget to save your masterpiece before quitting, so that Auto
        Resume loads in the old, bugged version.
     2. Spend days perfecting a screen fade effect, only to discover that
        someone else has done a version, and to make it look like your
        code, you change the variable names around and add a couple of
        useless lines.
     3. Spend a few days working on a project, only to find when you open
        up AUI that there is a version on the coverdisk far more superior
        than yours.
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     4. Spend hours perfecting an AMOS procedure, and without saving it,
        run the program to test it, find it works after all the pissing
        around you did, and forgot to remove the BREAK OFF command, and
        because there is no quit button, you have to reset the system !
     5. Forget to turn multi-tasking back on when in editor mode, and
        before you save the program, click the right button causing
        everything to crash.
     6. Try and clean up your coding by cutting all of the rubbish out of
        your listings, and when it comes to re-running, you have totally
        shagged up the program.
     7. Put together a really complicated procedure, and when it comes to
        testing, out of the thousands of IF...END IF... routines you used,
        you are one END IF command short. After hours of searching, it
        turns out to be in a totally different part of the program.
     8. Use a screen with 32 colours, when in fact, your game only
        requires 8.
     9. Know that you have made a picture/music module so important to
        your current game, and can't remember where the hell you put it.


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    10. You have spent days working on your new masterpeice, only to find
        that one little bug keeps niggling it's way onto the screen,
        causing everything to crash. After coutless days of searching, you
        discover that the bug is so obvious, that even a blind person can
        see it !!


ý
      10 things which really piss me off about Word Processors, and other
      Workbench-executables.


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     1. A file selector that resets to a default path every time you come
        to use it, meaning you spend more time in the selector than
        working on the actual files.
     2. A Diskcopy program which you cannot abort from.
     3. A shareware program such as AGW that leaves all files imported
        "Open", meaning when it comes to editing a spelling mistake you
        made, you have to reset the system in order to save it under that
        filename again.

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     4. File requesters that take eons to appear on-screen due to the
        version of ReqTools.Library you have in LIBS:
     5. Shareware programs that have register icons pop up every time you
        tap something on the keyboard.
     6. A cool text-editor, or graphics program that you know could really
        help you out, and after hours of creating a project on it,
        discover that the SAVE function is disabled due to it being
        Shareware.
     7. AGA Emulators which don't actually work, yet ask for a shareware
        fee of around 50 quid, and still claim to work.
     8. AMOS Disk magazine engines which always guru as soon as they
        begin. Ring any bells Paul?
     9. A graphics converter, when activated, requires about 1K extra RAM
        than the amount that you have been able to free safetly.
    10. File crunchers that won't unpack the files you have crunched with
        them.




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      Here are the 10 things which really piss me off about the AMOS
      Programming language.


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     1. You cannot run 2 AMOS programs at the same time.
     2. Classic AMOS is faster than AMOSPro.
     3. Classic AMOS compiles without multi-tasking, yet AMOSPro does not
        even when it is turned off.
     4. The Turbo extension crashes on an A600/500 when compiled, yet it
        doesn't when compiled in Classic AMOS.
     5. It is not very easy to program successful CLI window programs.
     6. You cannot convert .Abk music modules back into tracker modules.
     7. You cannot change the volume of a Tracker module, and you cannot
        work out the TEMPO speed of a module once loaded in.
     8. Almost every extension available has some kind of command for
        drawing stars.
     9. The DRAW command is nowhere near as fast as what it could be.
    10. Dialogue boxes always end up crashing the system if used
        regulary.

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ý
      10 things which make the Amiga far more superior than any other type
      of home computer.


ù
     1. With the Amiga, you can acquire games for just the price of a
        blank disk, where as on the Sega and Nintendo machines, you have
        to pay 50-quid, and then see what you get. If you don't like it,
        you can't get your money back.
     2. The Amiga comes in a nice computer-shape which is easy to carry
        around, unlike the PC's who have shitty little boxes.
     3. You can plug an Amiga into any TV set, unlike the PC's. You can
        even use a speccy TV lead, which the Sega Megadrive 2 can't do.
     4. You don't need any game or sound cards to be able to play your
        favourite games.
     5. AMIGA'S CAN MULTI-TASK UNLIKE THE PC'S CAN !!!
     6. With an Amiga, you don't require 8Mb of RAM just to load up
        workbench.
     7. Even the most inexperienced of computer user can load a game on an
        Amiga, instead of having to perform loads of keyboard actions on a
        PC, or spend hours un-zipping files to a hard disk.
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     8. The Amiga has AMOS Basic. The PC's have Jack Sh., the same as the
        Megadrive and Nintendo.
     9. Some of the best graphics in the world are drawn on the Amiga
        using the Video Toaster system, and even has it's drawings put on
        the TV every week.
    10. The Amiga has much more a variety of software than any other
        computer on the market.


ý
      10 things which really cheer me up in life.


ú
     1. Receiving a rather large cheque through the post for some of your
        programs.
     2. Getting bladdered every weekend.
     3. Reading an article which once again prove that the Amiga is far
        more superior than the PC.
     4. Finding a quid under the settee cushion.
     5. Managing to score with a really beautifull woman.
     6. The bank manager not having slappeda massive overdraw bill on you.
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     7. Winning a tenner on the lottery.
     8. Being with the people that you love.
     9. Watching John Major fail in his attempts to try and get the people
        of Britain to vote for him.
    10. Nathan.


ý
      10 of the things in life which you would have died if no-one had
      invented them.


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     1. Craft cheese slices.
     2. Self-Sealing envelopes.
     3. The Ren and Stimpy Show.
     4. AMOS compiler.
     5. Sticky-back plastic
     6. Cartoon Network.
     7. The TV remote control.
     8. Saturday nights.
     9. A donner kebab with extra chilli sauce.
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    10. Jelly shoes.


ý
      10 Things I hate about going to the loo. By Ingrid Hoyles.

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     1. Finding out after a large crap, that there is no bog roll paper
        left on the roll, or the airing cupboard.
     2. Having to go just after someone has made the loo smell terrible.
     3. Discovering that it is time to clean the loo, you try to get up
        and your arse sticks the the seat.
     4. People telling you to hurry up when you are busy.
     5. Having a toddler who thinks the loo is a toy bucket.
     6. Having to que in public areas when you are desperate.
     7. Finding a floater in there that will not flush through.
     8. A loo that is always occupied.
     9. Men always leaving the seat up !
    10. As soon as you settle yourself on the seat, someone comes into the
        bathroom to have a bath.


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        Well, that just about covers it for this issue. If you have an
    interesting 10-list suggestion then why not send it in to me, as I
    would love to see just what kind of suggestions you can come up with.

        You should know the address by now. If not, then just look around
    some of the other articles, as it is scattered around.

ú
    [Andrew "Mushroom" Kellett]

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EOF